she’s still not quite straight in the bumbo, but a big girl can be hard to balance sometimes!
balance…i think we’re starting to approach it in this adventure called “going back to work,” or at least we’re trying. i cried the first day, but alex was just happy as could be. truly, i have the best possible child care arrangement. she spends one day a week being loved on by her grandmother, and the other work days hanging out with my friend allison (whom i trust like i would a family member) and her son levi, who is almost two months older than alex. it is and will be rare for her to be at another caregivers for a full eight hours. the thing is, i never thought i would be a working mom of a baby. somehow, though, here i am. daniel works very hard to support our family, and we would make it possible for me to stay at home full-time if we chose to. and, if i still had my prior job, we probably would’ve made that choice. but then the opportunity for this job came up – doing what i feel called to do with a lot of flexibility and good health insurance, and now i leave her with her dad in the morning and pick her up at the sitter’s in the afternoon, and i understand the guilt that other moms talk about – guilt that somehow feels intensified when i talk to other moms who are staying home all the time. but then i take a look at other women with jobs outside the home, and see that they (at least among the high-quality women i have a chance to know) are just as strongly bonded to their children as any other mother, and their kids are still smart and happy and well-adjusted. i also find myself thinking about how i’ve always said i want my children to be surrounded by community and have strong relationships with others, and this is a chance for her to learn healthy relationships from the beginning. so, essentially, i’m doing a lot of adjusting. when i am at work and with clients, and getting to use the clinical therapist part of my brain, it is good. but my heart also breaks a little bit every day.
tell me, working mothers – does it get easier?