joyful girl

we owe each other the world. the world owes us nothing.

106752665138576212 October 30, 2003

Filed under: Uncategorized — amyjoyfox @ 10:00 am

good morning, dear ones!
i realize that i have a habit of introducing topics in my writing, and then not exploring them as deeply as i could. maybe it has something to do with being “enigmatic,” as angie f. described me. i’ve heard that before, which intrigues me. i like to think that i’m an “open book,” but i guess we all have our own secrets and mysteries…really, though, i’m not always terribly deep. today, for instance, i’m wondering if their are any groovy halloween parties on friday night that i can go to. i have the best costume, and simply need a place to wear it! i am going to a vampire party on saturday, which will be lovely. my friend karen is opening her new photgraphy studio, and is having a big bash to celebrate. she’s even offering vampire portraits for $4.00! i love having creative friends!
creativity is a big topic in my recent thinking patterns. i have so many friends who are really, really good at their music or painting or writing, that it’s easy for me to just let those more creative parts of myself sleep in order to appreciate the work of my friends. but in the process, i start spending my time doing other, less substantial things – like watching waaay too much television – instead of creating beauty myself. how does one get into the habit of creating? i really do believe that we are created in God’s image, and God is the ultimate creator, so doesn’t it logically follow that there is a bit of creator in each of us, and we should be using it? then again, what is creativity? i can be creative in my relationships, or in the way i provide therapy to my families, right?

do y’all think that blogs lend themselves to becoming expressions of self-absorption?

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106744561733561462 October 29, 2003

Filed under: Uncategorized — amyjoyfox @ 11:29 am

it’s a crisp, clear day, full of beauty. angie is reading my blog, and said some nice things on her own today. hooplah! i like her, too, and she happens to be an excellent writer. you can find her by clicking on the left.

lots of thoughts this morning…”every little thing is gonna be alright…” last night was strange. i’ve been feeling the constant battle between flesh and spirit recently. i convinced myself that it was too cold and rainy to go to house church, and ended up having a confusing, unsettling evening. i give up. i can’t keep trying to manipulate my relationships to get what i selfishly want. if i keep it up, i’m just going to feel even more crazy than i do already. sometimes it’s just so damn hard to let go, though! why do i keep convincing myself that what i know is true is just partly true?? am i making any sense?

i guess it all boils down to an ultimate selfishness, and fear of just giving up my own control.

 

106736166824036730 October 28, 2003

Filed under: Uncategorized — amyjoyfox @ 12:00 pm

it is cold and wet in the queen city today. i’m listening to the flaming lips right now…”do you realize that you have the most beautiful face? do you realize we’re floating in space? do you realize that happiness makes you cry? do you realize that everyone you know someday will die? and instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know you realize that life goes fast. it’s hard to make the good things last. you realize the sun don’t go down. it’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning ’round…”

do you realize, dear ones, that you have the most beautiful faces?

i don’t want to live in illusion. i don’t want to live in cynicism, although it may appear to be the opposite based on my recent posts.

oops – i need to go to a home visit now. happy day, everyone!

(more later, plus i’m working on a photo blog….)

 

106722653252259663 October 26, 2003

Filed under: Uncategorized — amyjoyfox @ 10:42 pm

i’m home again after an incredible weekend in muncie. jonathon and alison got married yesterday, in one of the most creative punk rock weddings i’ve ever been to. the setting was amazing, and the attention to detail that both of them possess was evident from the stark and beautiful winter stage set to the cds that they had burned for each of us as party favors. but the best part was knowing that this was a covenant that was meant to be. jonathon told me at the after party (you have to love it when the bride and groom stick around for a late dance party to play with their friends!) that “it just felt so natural to be up there.” that’s a good sign, i think.

it’s late now. much more tomorrow.

 

106700548176581066 October 24, 2003

Filed under: Uncategorized — amyjoyfox @ 10:15 am

elliott smith is gone. they think he committed suicide. newby and allison are getting married tomorrow. death and resurrection. the old and the new. it’s a sad, lovely world…”what a beautiful piece of heartache…”

it’s almost november. it was about this time a few years ago that my friend rob died, also thought to be suicide. he wrote aching, beautiful, melancholy songs, too. and he loved jesus. so, what failed?

are we failing our brothers and sisters? are we failing our children? there is so much hurt around us, so many wounded children in need of re-parenting by the father. i’ve been learning a lot lately about “authentic child” theory, and the need to re-parent the precious child that is hiding behind the wounded child in each of us, to walk with that child. it kind of relates to theophostic healing and prayer, too – the idea of jesus re-entering that wounded childhood and walking through it with us, healing along the way. because no matter how balanced we are, or how much we are loved by those around us, the wounds still exist.

jesus, come walk with us. teach us to walk with each other. show us the child in our brother.

 

106692163457810101 October 23, 2003

Filed under: Uncategorized — amyjoyfox @ 10:51 am

yesterday i wrote a fairly lengthy treatise on “what is prayer good for?” which was the question of the evening at our house church gathering the other night. apparently, though, my post must have been bordering on heresy, since it somehow got lost on its way to this page. 😉

my friend ken is awesome. he’s funny and super-smart and a bit melancholy. he’s the one who brought up the question in the first place, when he misunderstood the directive to write down a personal question to get to know another person in the group better last week. the poor guy who pulled out that innocent-looking slip of paper just said, “what is prayer good for?!” and seemed to have a near breakdown. we decided to make it a group discussion for this week.

anyway, i love my house church. we’re not convinced we came up with some solid enough answers, so we’re continuing the discussion. please feel free to share any ideas! so far, we touched on theories of linear and non-linear time, with ken proposing that prayer is our stepping out of linear time to join God in the nonlinear. (that’s a loose paraphrase, but i like it!) of course jesus’ statement that “whatever you ask for in my name, you will receive,” sparked some good talk, especially when r said, “but that’s just not true!” so, here’s my question for all of you: what DOES it mean to pray “in jesus’ name”? the idea was presented that if we are truly praying in the name of christ, we are praying in his will. but there have been many times that i’ve prayed deeply for people i love to know God’s presence in a real, tangible way that they can’t deny. and it hasn’t happened. surely, people knowing him is in his will!? and what about the people i know who are actively seeking truth, and asking god to show himself to them, but keep feeling like they’re talking to a brick wall? what’s up wit dat, yo? (um, i have no idea where that sentence just came from!) i have a friend who spent five years trying to have a real relationship with God before he simply gave up, believing that God exists, but really wants little to do with him, and i know damn well that lots of believers were praying for him. that’s the only situation that’s ever really made me yell at God. so.

what is prayer good for?

talk to me.

 

106674426600956888 October 21, 2003

Filed under: Uncategorized — amyjoyfox @ 9:30 am

good morning, dear sunshines! it’s beautiful in the ohio valley today. yesterday (before seeing david sedaris) i got a massage from my friend sandie, and the phrase “reawakened hope” came to her, and that is what she prayed for me. sometimes talk of “prophetic words” scare me a little. (we didn’t use language like that in my mennonite world!) but the actual word and concept of “reawaken” has been strong in my soul lately. (i know – i’m restating the obvious that i’ve been writing about lately.) it was just good to have it confirmed.
another word swimming around in my head has been “radical,” which also scares me a little. see, i have no problem with the ideal of attempting to live radically in terms of simplicity, service, working for peace and justice, etc. but when you start throwing the word around in church settings, i start to worry. the thing is, i love jesus. and to a lot of my friends, i’m a closet evangelical. but to the evangelicals, i’m sort of a closet liberal. i believe jesus is God. i believe that different people are gifted as prophets and healers and teachers, etc., and i even believe that i have a couple of those giftings, but when i start hearing that certain spiritual jargon floating around a room, i get an uneasy feeling in my gut. when someone says to me, “so, what has God been doing in your life this week?” the red flags start to go up. is this just my fear of my people, or of “radicalism”? or is it my own arrogance? hmm…a few things to think about today…